I have never dreamt of fame or fortune.
I have never wanted to be the best or strongest.
These things are material and hold little value.
Instead I have sought simplicity and peace.
I yearned for the opportunity to be free from the paralyzing thoughts in my head.
I looked towards experiencing the feeling of running away from the negativity yet still being present.
Some days are better than others.
Some moments are uplifting, some are not.
Some moments provide courage for the future, some drain every semblance of normalcy from your body.
Some moments light the way forward. Some must be cast away.
All I wanted was to be me and find happiness within.
There are two sayings that I will always remember my mom saying whenever things didn’t happen as anticipated:
- “Everything happens for a reason”
- “Nothing ever happens before its time”
I guess age brings wisdom because as a child, teenager and young adult, I failed to understand these sayings and only remember being completely frustrated. But as I ventured into my thirties and beyond, this suddenly started to make sense.
I think the revelations and wisdom have come from the many mistakes that I’ve made in my life… the failed relationships, friendships that fizzled, career choices that disappointed because I wasn’t good enough by imagined benchmarks and standards. With every mistake, I grew stronger. No matter how small, I learned something. And from the lessons, I was able to find the courage to move forward. I found the bravery to step outside of my comfort zone. I learned to love myself without needing validation from others whether it was my physical appearance or the internal battles in my head.
Have I reached my final destination? No. But I’m in a better place today than I was yesterday and tomorrow will bring continued growth.